Dear Reader:

You know who’s a really sexy lady? Carly Fiorina, that's who. Just in case you're blind, or gay, and don’t know who Carly is, she’s the CEO of Hewlett Packard... and Managing Director of My Heart, Inc. LLP. I’m telling you what- she is one top-notch gal.

I know you young people like your Spice Girls and your what's-her-name, but you don’t know the first thing about anything. You're better off keeping you trap shut until you have the experience to appreciate a real woman.

Carly... She's smart. She's tough. She's got fucking balls-out, straight for the jugular business sense. She has great legs. Okay, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I’m kind of a leg man. Somebody tell me- what’s so great about bosoms? I just don't see what the big deal is with those things.

Anyway, I've bumped into her a couple of times at the Stock Exchange, once at a conference, and once at Bohemian Grove, but I'm pretty sure she has no idea about my feelings. So, I'm going to lay it all on the line, right here and now, in the only way I know how.

Carly, might I propose a merger?

I'll start out by gently leveraging your assets. Then I'll explore your diverse market segments, bringing you again and again to the brink of solvency. Finally, once I've generated the requisite level of brand awareness, it would be time for the next project phase. That's right... I'm talking about market penetration.

Although my infrastructure has been deteriorating during recent quarters, resulting in a marked lack of growth during key mission critical deployment phases, I believe the unrestrained exuberance of our merger would generate substantial growth... and I do mean substantial. I would take advantage of this period of growth to achieve desired market penetration.

Once market penetration has occurred, it would be a simple matter of repeatedly driving revenue until saturation is achieved. In the unlikely event this doesn't satisfy your profit margins, I would be happy to supply any necessary turnkey solutions to your need areas.

Partner with me, Carly. We'll create synergies all night long. Again and again. Hot, sweaty synergies.

Chris Messick
Chief Executive Officer
Supermasterpiece Industries

Chris Messick is the C.E.O. of