You know who’s a really sexy lady? Carly Fiorina, that's who. Just
in case you're blind, or gay, and don’t know who Carly is, she’s
the CEO of Hewlett Packard... and Managing Director of My Heart, Inc.
LLP. I’m telling you what- she is one top-notch gal.
I know you young people like your Spice Girls and your what's-her-name,
but you don’t know the first thing about anything. You're better
off keeping you trap shut until you have the experience to appreciate
a real woman.
Carly... She's smart. She's tough. She's got fucking balls-out, straight
for the jugular business sense. She has great legs. Okay, maybe I'm old
fashioned, but I’m kind of a leg man. Somebody tell me- what’s
so great about bosoms? I just don't see what the big deal is with those
Anyway, I've bumped into her a couple of times at the Stock Exchange,
once at a conference, and once at Bohemian Grove, but I'm pretty sure
she has no idea about my feelings. So, I'm going to lay it all on the
line, right here and now, in the only way I know how.
Carly, might I propose a merger?
I'll start out by gently leveraging your assets. Then I'll explore your
diverse market segments, bringing you again and again to the brink of
solvency. Finally, once I've generated the requisite level of brand awareness,
it would be time for the next project phase. That's right... I'm talking
about market penetration.
Although my infrastructure has been deteriorating during recent quarters,
resulting in a marked lack of growth during key mission critical deployment
phases, I believe the unrestrained exuberance of our merger would generate
substantial growth... and I do mean substantial. I would take advantage
of this period of growth to achieve desired market penetration.
Once market penetration has occurred, it would be a simple matter of repeatedly
driving revenue until saturation is achieved. In the unlikely event this
doesn't satisfy your profit margins, I would be happy to supply any necessary
turnkey solutions to your need areas.
Partner with me, Carly. We'll create synergies all night long. Again and
again. Hot, sweaty synergies.
Chief Executive Officer
Chris Messick is the C.E.O. of Supermasterpiece.com