A Supermasterpiece Editorial

Linguists? Fuck ’em

What are our nation’s linguists doing to deserve their six-figure jet set lifestyle? I mean, we treat these guys and girls like fucking rock stars, and yet the country is still full of people who say things like “price point”. Once you've said “price”, you’re done, am I right? Isn't ridding the world of redundancy and superfluous language why we pay our linguists the big bucks?


Let’s say you somehow manage to do the impossible, and you find a linguist who is sober. Ask him what the fucking deal is with “price point”, and I'll bet you they’ll spout some line about how language is a constantly evolving, organic thing, shaped by massive social and historic forces, and no one can control the direction it takes.


Bullshit. I say “Tannen? Elgin? Gowran? Take those platinum coke spoons out of your nostrils long enough to EARN YOUR FUCKING KEEP!


We don't say anything when they tackle an overeager paparazzi. We pretend we don't notice their dilated pupils and bizarre behavior in public. We look the other way when the stories of three-day crystal meth and hooker parties start to surface. Isn't it time they did something for us?