This week: Prague!

A Special Shit-week edition of Shek’s look at Europe.

Guten berger, freundners! This week I'm in the heart of Bavaria, or the 'Czech' Republic, so don't try to pay for anything with your 'Czredit Czard.' Probably, it won't work. Also, don't use your American 'czash.' What's a buck worth these days, anyway, 20 Europennies? You're almost better off with Zlotys. That's another kind of money, from a shitty country. I forget which one. Take my word for it this time.

The order of the day? Saurkraut, which could easily describe some of the less than cheerful locals, if you get my meaning! Ho ho! They also eat a bunch of bratwurst here. That's sausage, with beer in it, I guess. They sell the crap on every corner, practically, just ask your hotel guy.

Hotel Guy?
The guy in your hotel. Like, you pick a hotel, and when you first go inside there's some kind of desk, with a guy behind it. He's the Maitre'd or something…yeah, the connoisseur. No! No, he's the, uh, the concierge. Oh, you don't have that guy because you're bunking with three smelly Polocks in some fleabag hostel? Fine, save your money, you backpacking hippie piece of bullcrap. Go catch a bug in your rainwater or whatever.

Fuck You
I mean…Nightlife. You want something to do? Why don't you try kissing my big hairy ass? Seriously, that's the name of a club. It's in the, uh, stupid fucking idiot neighborhood of the you're a hooker's crack baby quarter. Of Prague.

The Out of Doors
Famed for its Black Forest, this area of central Europe is ideal for fly fishing and …oh it's not? Well, you're the one who backpacked here, right? OK, Ranger Rick, why don't you tell us what's the great big deal about what's-it-called? Oh, oh, HIKING. Oh, that's just completely brilliant. Wow, how long did you have to sit on your fart-powered genius machine to come up with that one?

God Damn It. Just stay home. Fuck.