Destination: Awesome
Well, for once, Shek awoke in a motel room that opened and closed correctly, locked and unlocked perfectly, whose lights worked when switched on. Thus completely spoiled, Mr. Moneybags drove his platinum diamondmobile eastward on…


Day 3 – Shakespeare Ghost Town

Billing itself as the “West’s Most Authentic Ghost Town,” (look out, ghost towns of the New England coast) and rated ‘four ghosts’ on its website - by, uh, something, or somebody – you can bet that Shakespeare offers all the things you expect in a bona fides ghost town, including multiple trailer homes. Haunted trailer homes? Sure, kid. By the way, no running. Please explore our authentic gift shop, rated ‘four gifts’ by, uh, something or other.

Contains more ghosts than Booberry breakfast cereal, maybe.


The author is momentarily distracted.


The southern part of New Mexico is surprisingly verdant compared to state lands to the north and west, for the mighty pecan tree grows here. Mighty tasty! Grove after grove flies by, in neat diagonal lines of delicious. Resembling an upside down sweet sweet pan pie, the carya illinoinensis bares its fruit yum yum pecan good mouth. Numerous roadside roast pie sweet nut trees tasty, bake buy buy Shoney’s pie nut good pie time!


Texas - El Paso

Something weird happens to the land just across the Texas border…all the moisture gets sucked out of it. The ragin’ Rio Grande, cutting through El Paso’s red dusty hills, is a bit of a disappointment; there’s got to be some water in that thing some of the time, right? Do not expect a land flowing with lime and salsa, or really, anything. Exiting through the sprawl to the east, try to keep the repetitive pattern of the scrubscape from drawing you into a trance, because that will make it much harder to answer the nice Border Patrolman’s questions.

Pass the old El Paso: The Rio Grande, perfect for skateboarding.

Take a picture, but it will not last longer than this rock has.

Guadalupe Peak

The westernmost tip of Texas is the land God forgot, or at least, forgot to make very interesting. Hills sparse with brush give way to bare naked plains, but hold on a second…there’s a hulking stone rising off to the left of the highway. If you drive this way, chances are you’ll spend an hour approaching Guadalupe Peak, watching it grow monolithic in the windshield, and once past it you will spend an hour wishing it were still in front of you. It is awesome, a cylindrical tower of rock knifed by a wedge of limestone, crawling out of the flat dirt toward the road, which passes it to the south before snaking back up it and across it on a nearby ridge. Two hours later, back in the middle of nowhere, you’ll wonder aloud why the hell you didn’t get out of the damned car.


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