How fast is your laptop going when you type your whining blog from under the silky covers of your cushy bed? One gigahertz? Two gigahertz? Well the tea party is over, ladies, because The Tiger crawls along at a mere 500 MEGAHERTZ! If you can't deal with it, maybe you don't deserve to be blogging in the first place.

I suppose the machine at the computer lab of your fancy-ass college had USB 2 ports, didn't it? Well, you're in the real world now. In the real world, we don't have USB 2. Or working monitors. If you want to look at a pretty picture of a flower—or your Word document—borrow your little sister's computer. Shakespeare didn't need a working monitor. What makes you so special?

Memory is a crutch. When you ride the Tiger, you'll be making due with a mere 64 MB, far less than the amount needed to safely run the OS, let alone an application. If you're worried about things like safety, don't enter the Tiger's lair.

The Tiger comes with a DVD-ROM drive, an ATI RAGE Mobility 128 graphics card, a firewire port and an internal modem. Use it to call 911 when the Tiger kicks your pathetic butt.

If you're looking for a computer that will hold your hand and tell you everything is going to okay, keep ebaying. If you want to burn an iMovie of your family vacation to Disneyland and play it on Grandma's DVD player, this is definitely not the computer for you. (The Tiger can't burn DVDs).

To use this iBook G3, you've gotta have guts. You've gotta have patience. Some might even say you've got to be a little crazy. But I promise you this: once you've created a spreadsheet with just 64 MB of memory, no airport card and a broken monitor, you'll never go back.

If you think you've got what it takes to ride the Tiger, you can bid on this Xtreme Machine. After a few months maybe you'll even be able to look in the mirror without puking.


By Stephen Levinson

Advertise on