“Difficult to Cure” by Rainbow

A lot you are probably wondering what type of music a consummate lady's man like myself plays when I need to seduce a beautiful woman. Well, let me tell you something. I've grown up. I don’t just go for your run of the mill skanks anymore, the kind who drop their drawers for some hackneyed crap like Barry White or Marvin Gaye. You see, I prefer to nail a more refined type of babe these days. Like, European fashion models with small titties. That kind of chick. Real classy babes - the kind who only go for “classy”-cal music. Now, I don’t want them to think I’m one of those Greenwich Village fruits you see on the television.

That’s where “Difficult to Cure” by Rainbow comes in. Rainbow, a band featuring former Deep Purple guitarist Ritchie Blackmore, arranged Beethoven's classic hit “Symphony Nine” for full-on ROCK ensemble, and changed the name to “Difficult to Cure,” so they wouldn’t seem like a bunch of opera-loving poofters. They also put in kick-ass guitar and organ solos, the kind that go “wheedly-wheedly-wheedly-wheedly,” which I'm sure Beethoven would have included in the original had he not been too deaf to know that in order to have sweet music, you need some jammin' guitar solos that have nothing to do with anything else in the song. So, this Valentine’s day, put on “Difficult to Cure,” and the next thing you know, you could be making love to the goddamn QUEEN OF ENGLAND.

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